i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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