So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
