We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
