peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
