my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
