There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
