dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
