cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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