I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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