he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
