so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
