Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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