We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
