Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
