Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
