is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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