we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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