I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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