You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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