Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
