He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
