I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
