Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
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don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
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I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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