I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
