RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
