well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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