dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
