Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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