she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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