are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
they're like a gay fantastic four
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
