I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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