I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
