I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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