whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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