I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize