Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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