just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
