New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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