I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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