Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Randomize
