He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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