Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
