OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
