When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
