What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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