Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
