dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
