I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
