this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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