I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My vagina just clenched in fear
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
