I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Randomize
