ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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