Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
