i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He better not be in your backpack
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
