Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
