Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
