There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
