matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
All the doctor said was why
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
