Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
