why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
