My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
