we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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