finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
