I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
